Being better

I could be better at a lot of things.

Better at being a friend. I get too wrapped up in myself and my to do list at times to really focus on cultivating relationships.

Sometimes I feel like I've created a world of superficial relationships around me.  Tied in part to the things I wrote about in March, when I admitted to not knowing what I was doing. I still feel that way, but different.

My loud, abrasive nature and self-protective reluctance to let anyone really know 'me' is making me feel like a 30 year old island in east Tulsa.

I'm so set on my stock answers, my sarcastic puns and my iron gates around myself that I when I have a random idea to go do something I sit and can't think of a single person who will meet me for an unplanned adventure.

I'll go days or weeks without talking to some of my closest friends, aside from superficial social media, or an occasional text.  There's no substance.

Blame this on my obsession with Gatsby and the new movie.  I've been re-looking at everything in my life.  Comparing substance and superficiality.

I'll be 31 soon and it's time for me to ditch the pleasantries, the 'Fine' and "same old, same old' and start letting people in, start re-building fractured friendships and meeting new people.

My only close friend can't be Mems forever and I can't take the dogs to most bars or museums.

I've been itching to get back on the treadmill.

It's been roughly six weeks since I had a great 7 mile run and then couldn't walk without crying that night. 

Rest, ice, PT and lots of yoga later my knee is finally feeling well enough for me to start short runs again.

So on Saturday after I dropped Molly off at the groomer I hit the gym for the first day of Couch to 5k.  I'm starting over at the basics to ease my knee into it and make sure my knee can handle it.

After fighting with my app about uploading my music, a girl can't run without some Rihanna and Pink, and picking the 30/30 pace to start with I was off.

I made it just over a mile in the 20 minutes, complete with warm up and cool down.

It wasn't earth shattering, and my knee was getting sore by the end of the run, but it felt so amazing to get out there and run again.

We'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Bouncing back

I'm eating ice cream while I type this.

Braum's Peanut Butter Cup. My very favorite.  It is dairy and it is no doubt loaded with sugar. Both of which I was avoiding.

But then I got sick.  Sinus infection from hell, antibiotics, antihistamines, anti-inflammatories, steroids, I spent two weeks hacking up my lungs, blowing my nose and feeling like my head was going to explode.

It was really hard to cook and stay on the cleanse while I recuperated. There were also only about 5 things that sounded good.  They all had dairy and sugar.

Now that the doc has me on stronger stuff I'm hoping to get back on the wagon.

I've found three recipes to make this week: vegan corn chowder, veggie burgers and roasted cauliflower.  I started running again and I'm getting back into my work out schedule.

Here's hoping structure helps me keep more sickness at bay.

Sick post

As I write this I'm dealing with my third round of sickness in about 9 months.

I really hate having a screwy immune system.  It's so busy fighting my platelets that it doesn't fight any other germ I come in contact with, it's bullshit.

So, I canceled plans, filled up my humidifier and spent the day in bed.  Every time I coughed my dogs barked at me and Molly bit me 3 times.

I finally gave up and decided to take a detox bath.

Epsom salt, vinegar, baking soda and sea salt.  I left the ginger out, I hate ginger.

I combined that with hot water and soaked for 45 minutes or so.

While I soaked (and took photos of my toes) the dogs howled and barked at me because they of course love to take baths.

Bitches.

While I was in the bath I could breathe.  I didn't cough at all. I sneezed 4 times which scared the dogs every time.

Once I was out I ate dinner and drank a quart of ice cold water.  I felt and still feel ten times better than I did before the bath.

Whether that was the stuff I dumped in the bath or the bath itself I have no clue. 

I was just happy to breathe through my nose.

A funny thing happened while I was cleansing...

I'm winding up my three week cleanse.

It's been easy on some days, hard on other days, I cheated with one or two meals in the 21 day process (adding dairy or gluten, never meat).

Then I decided something.

I'm never going to stop cleansing.

I really like how I feel when I'm eating this clean and refined.  I'm never hungry, I'm getting all the nutrients I need and yes, it takes planning and cooking and planning ahead, but it's worth it for this energy and sense of clarity I'm getting while doing it.

I'm up at 5 to hit the gym, getting my to do lists done, and just feel better.

That's not to say that I won't cheat occasionally. A girl needs a little gluten now and then, but 95% of the time I'm going to stick to this.

I feel all zen and shit.
.

Cleansing and finding peace

So, I'm still stuck in my head a little bit. 

But, I'm getting better.  At least I'm getting more aware and making an effort to do things to get me out of my head.

Getting out of the house more, doing less moping and less maudlin-ness.  Which isn't to say I don't get maudlin.

I think that's my default state.  But I'm getting better at pushing myself out of it.

Now, I need to keep pushing myself, get outside the box, test my boundaries, be daring.

After three weeks of PT and a bum knee I'm finally getting around more.  Not being able to walk, let alone work out, had me going crazy.  I'm pretty sure that's part of why I got stuck in my head.

I started going to Body Pump again, my muscles are sore in a good way.  I'm doing yoga a couple days a week.  I'm attempting to walk on the treadmill this week, fingers crossed my knee holds.

I'm on day 3 of my cleanse and I'm already feeling clearer, more in control of myself and my life.

It's a slow process, but I'm plodding along. 

Blood bonanza

So I went and got my blood checked after my 6 weeks of eating like a normal person.

Platelets went crazy, dropped in half.  Boo.

I've been back eating clean, no meat, little dairy, no alcohol, little gluten.

On the plus side I'm feeling a lot better than my last post.  My energy is up and I'm sure it will continue to boost as I stay on this plan.

I have been sidelined with my knee which I screwed up playing tennis in high school and re-screwed up in my half marathon training.  I've been doing physical therapy and wearing my brace and icing and I'm really sick of it, but it's so much better now than it was and hopefully will be getting better every day.

I'm going to add Body Pump into my routine while I can't get cardio, to tone up while I'm waiting for my knee to be 100% again.

Not working out is driving me crazy.